Tom ForemanWho is Tom Foreman? Come now, everyone knows who Tom Foreman is. He’s that hot, steamy hunk of broadcast journalist man meat who leaves CNN viewers in need of fresh underwear each time he gives us his hard, hot and heavy reportage.

Did you see his report on Friday’s Anderson Cooper 360°? He got to the real story of Valerie Plame’s testimony before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform the way only a hot stud like Toothsome Tommy can:

On a cold, wet Washington Friday, the kind that makes lawmakers just want to get out of town, they were nailed to their chairs by a blonde with a secret and a story to tell.

Yeah, you tell ‘em Tom. Nailed to their chairs because they couldn’t stand up, right? ‘Cause she’s hot, right? Yowzah!

For a long time, most people in Washington had no idea what Valerie Plame Wilson looked like. Her husband, at one point, even said she would rather chop off her arm than be photographed or talk about what happened.

But she’s become a spy world celebrity, posing with her husband for Vanity Fair like Jane Bond with Mr. Moneypenny, turning heads in a white gown at a big reporters’ dinner, leaving Washington insiders breathless to see how this spy story will end.

Breathless from all the heavy breathing, right? Maybe next time she wears that white gown we should hose her down and see what that “40-something Alaska native and mother of twins” (exotic!!) has on underneath… if anything. Woo Hoo!

And let’s not forget what you got Anne Schroeder from The Politico to say:

Let’s be honest, Washington is known as the Hollywood for ugly people. And so, all of a sudden, you have this beautiful blonde walk in. She’s a spy. She also is a mother of twins and married to a former ambassador. The entire package is just completely, you know, awe — jaw-dropping.

Valerie PlameHummenah! You know what I want to see? I want to see Tom and Val going at it together! Yeah! But first, Tom’s going to have to fight John Gibson for the right to have his way with Valerie. News Hounds is reporting that Gibson called her “Spy Babe” tonight, so he’s obviously trying to rival Tom in journalistic integrity. They should probably do a naked Greco-Roman wrestling thing, so the winner will be good and sweaty when he’s ready to go at it with Mata Hottie. Now that’s journalism!

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