Mitch McConnell Visits the Dentist

Mitch McConnellHey Mitch, good to see you.


How’s business back in Washington?


Keeping those Democrats in their place, huh?


OK, well let’s have us a look at those old choppers.

Open, please.


Open, please.


A little wider, please Mitch.


Senator, I can’t check your teeth if you don’t open your mouth for me.



Open open open open open.

Come on, Mitch. All I can see are those five pointy little brown ones along the bottom. I need you to open your mouth so I can check the rest.

Open wide, now.


Open your mouth.

Open it.

You open your mouth now, or I’m going to slice you open and you’ll need safety pins to close it, you old fool.

I’m warning you, McConnell.

Just so you know, I never voted for your backwards ass. You want me to cut you, I’ll cut you.

Fine. This is going to be fun.

OK, rinse please.

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Google’s Political Connections

No, I’m not talking about relationships between the company and any political figures. I just want to point out something I noticed regarding Google suggesting other searches when I look for information about a politician.

Let’s start with the names of the leaders of the two major parties in the US Senate:

I was planning on writing a post that would serve to mock Mitch McConnell’s minuscule mouth, so I ran a search on his name and then clicked “Images”. What did I see? This:

Google image results for Mitch McConnell

Why is Google suggesting I try searches for Durbin and Lott? And why are they leaving out Reid, who is (at least officially) the most powerful of the four? I doubt it has anything to do with the relative size of their mouths — only McConnell’s is comically tiny.

If I run an image search for Harry Reid, Dick Durbin or Trent Lott, I don’t get a recommendation to look at other people. It’s as if Google is telling me to avoid looking at pictures of McConnell, which is totally unnecessary. I know he isn’t pretty, but I can handle it.

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