Archive for September, 2006

Jesus F’ing Day

George and JesusI know Bush is a born-again Christian. I know he has a difficult time seeing things from other people’s perspectives. In spite of that, I was actually shocked when I ran across this today. I was wasting time playing around in the fabulously Web 2.0-ish and a question came up regarding George Bush declaring an official “Jesus Day” when he was Governor of Texas. I hit the “no way” button, figuring that even if he’d wanted to do this, he never could have gotten away with it — not even in Texas. I was wrong!

Jesus Day was June 10, 2000 — the year he ran for President. Didn’t anyone call him on this?

I’ve got the text of the original proclamation below. If you’d like to see a copy of it, there’s an image file in the Frontline area of the PBS website. It was mentioned in their program entitled The Jesus Factor.

Official Memorandum

State of Texas

Office of the Governor

Throughout the world, people of all religions recognize Jesus Christ as an example of love, compassion, sacrifice and service. Reaching out to the poor, the suffering and the marginalized, he provided moral leadership that continues to inspire countless men, women and children today.

To honor his life and teachings, Christians of all races and denominations have joined together to designate June 10 as Jesus Day. As part of this celebration of unity, they are taking part in the 10th annual March for Jesus in cities throughout the Lone Star State. The march, which began in Austin in 1991, is now held in nearly 180 countries. Jesus Day challenges people to follow Christ’s example by performing good works in their communities and neighborhoods. By nursing the sick, feeding the poor or volunteering in homeless shelters, everyone can play a role in making the world a better place.

I urge Texans to answer the call to serve those in need. By volunteering their time, energy or resources to helping others, adults and youngsters follow Christ’s message of love and service in thought and deed.

Therefore, I, George W. Bush, Governor of Texas, do hereby proclaim June 10, 2000,

Jesus Day

Apart from the obvious WTF nature of the very idea of this thing, there are a few little points with which I have problems:

  • People of numerous religions respect Jesus, but certainly not all religions.
  • The man is referred to as “Jesus Christ.” It’s not as if his surname was Christ (“Buffy, I’d like to introduce you to Jesus Christ.” “Of the Nazareth Christs?” “Why yes, that’s right.”) “Christ,” from the Greek Christós, means The Anointed One, and while I know that Islam recognizes Jesus as a prophet, this anointed business is exclusive to Christians.
  • “Christians of all races and denominations have joined together to designate June 10 as Jesus Day” — Nobody’s even trying to hide it here. This is for Christians.

Did anyone bother telling him about the Establishment Clause?

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Wicked Viral

viral cartoonHow do we know that the Bible is true? Because it says so, of course.

Similarly, this little cartoon (click the image to see a larger version) by David Jones of AdWeek is so incredibly viral it makes my head hurt.

You can check it out as a video too — a viral video, that is. Very, very viral.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH7Kd3MOZyI]

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Olbermann Again

Keith OlbermannKeith Olbermann kicks some more Bushbutt. Who knew a sportcaster (a sportscaster who says footie is boring) could be so eloquent in speaking truth to power? Was he like this on ESPN? Did he go on about the shameful acts of cowardly Lakers and such?

Here’s the text of his latest special comment, . You can see the video there as well.

Half a lifetime ago, I worked in this now-empty space. And for 40 days after the attacks, I worked here again, trying to make sense of what happened, and was yet to happen, as a reporter.

All the time, I knew that the very air I breathed contained the remains of thousands of people, including four of my friends, two in the planes and — as I discovered from those “missing posters” seared still into my soul — two more in the Towers.

And I knew too, that this was the pyre for hundreds of New York policemen and firemen, of whom my family can claim half a dozen or more, as our ancestors.

I belabor this to emphasize that, for me this was, and is, and always shall be, personal.

And anyone who claims that I and others like me are “soft,”or have “forgotten” the lessons of what happened here is at best a grasping, opportunistic, dilettante and at worst, an idiot whether he is a commentator, or a Vice President, or a President.

However, of all the things those of us who were here five years ago could have forecast — of all the nightmares that unfolded before our eyes, and the others that unfolded only in our minds — none of us could have predicted this.

Five years later this space is still empty.

Five years later there is no memorial to the dead.

Five years later there is no building rising to show with proud defiance that we would not have our America wrung from us, by cowards and criminals.

Five years later this country’s wound is still open.

Five years later this country’s mass grave is still unmarked.

Five years later this is still just a background for a photo-op.

It is beyond shameful.

At the dedication of the Gettysburg Memorial — barely four months after the last soldier staggered from another Pennsylvania field — Mr. Lincoln said, “we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.”

Lincoln used those words to immortalize their sacrifice.

Today our leaders could use those same words to rationalize their reprehensible inaction. “We cannot dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground.” So we won’t.

Instead they bicker and buck pass. They thwart private efforts, and jostle to claim credit for initiatives that go nowhere. They spend the money on irrelevant wars, and elaborate self-congratulations, and buying off columnists to write how good a job they’re doing instead of doing any job at all.

Five years later, Mr. Bush, we are still fighting the terrorists on these streets. And look carefully, sir, on these 16 empty acres. The terrorists are clearly, still winning.

And, in a crime against every victim here and every patriotic sentiment you mouthed but did not enact, you have done nothing about it.

And there is something worse still than this vast gaping hole in this city, and in the fabric of our nation. There is its symbolism of the promise unfulfilled, the urgent oath, reduced to lazy execution.

The only positive on 9/11 and the days and weeks that so slowly and painfully followed it was the unanimous humanity, here, and throughout the country. The government, the President in particular, was given every possible measure of support.

Those who did not belong to his party — tabled that.

Those who doubted the mechanics of his election — ignored that.

Those who wondered of his qualifications — forgot that.

History teaches us that nearly unanimous support of a government cannot be taken away from that government by its critics. It can only be squandered by those who use it not to heal a nation’s wounds, but to take political advantage.

Terrorists did not come and steal our newly-regained sense of being American first, and political, fiftieth. Nor did the Democrats. Nor did the media. Nor did the people.

The President — and those around him — did that.

They promised bi-partisanship, and then showed that to them, “bi-partisanship” meant that their party would rule and the rest would have to follow, or be branded, with ever-escalating hysteria, as morally or intellectually confused, as appeasers, as those who, in the Vice President’s words yesterday, “validate the strategy of the terrorists.”

They promised protection, and then showed that to them “protection” meant going to war against a despot whose hand they had once shaken, a despot who we now learn from our own Senate Intelligence Committee, hated al-Qaida as much as we did.

The polite phrase for how so many of us were duped into supporting a war, on the false premise that it had ‘something to do’ with 9/11 is “lying by implication.”

The impolite phrase is “impeachable offense.”

Not once in now five years has this President ever offered to assume responsibility for the failures that led to this empty space, and to this, the current, curdled, version of our beloved country.

Still, there is a last snapping flame from a final candle of respect and fairness: even his most virulent critics have never suggested he alone bears the full brunt of the blame for 9/11.

Half the time, in fact, this President has been so gently treated, that he has seemed not even to be the man most responsible for anything in his own administration.

Yet what is happening this very night?

A mini-series, created, influenced — possibly financed by — the most radical and cold of domestic political Machiavellis, continues to be televised into our homes.

The documented truths of the last fifteen years are replaced by bald-faced lies; the talking points of the current regime parroted; the whole sorry story blurred, by spin, to make the party out of office seem vacillating and impotent, and the party in office, seem like the only option.

How dare you, Mr. President, after taking cynical advantage of the unanimity and love, and transmuting it into fraudulent war and needless death, after monstrously transforming it into fear and suspicion and turning that fear into the campaign slogan of three elections? How dare you — or those around you — ever “spin” 9/11?

Just as the terrorists have succeeded — are still succeeding — as long as there is no memorial and no construction here at Ground Zero.

So, too, have they succeeded, and are still succeeding as long as this government uses 9/11 as a wedge to pit Americans against Americans.

This is an odd point to cite a television program, especially one from March of 1960. But as Disney’s continuing sell-out of the truth (and this country) suggests, even television programs can be powerful things.

And long ago, a series called “The Twilight Zone” broadcast a riveting episode entitled “The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street.”

In brief: a meteor sparks rumors of an invasion by extra-terrestrials disguised as humans. The electricity goes out. A neighbor pleads for calm. Suddenly his car — and only his car — starts. Someone suggests he must be the alien. Then another man’s lights go on. As charges and suspicion and panic overtake the street, guns are inevitably produced. An “alien” is shot — but he turns out to be just another neighbor, returning from going for help. The camera pulls back to a near-by hill, where two extra-terrestrials are seen manipulating a small device that can jam electricity. The veteran tells his novice that there’s no need to actually attack, that you just turn off a few of the human machines and then, “they pick the most dangerous enemy they can find, and it’s themselves.”

And then, in perhaps his finest piece of writing, Rod Serling sums it up with words of remarkable prescience, given where we find ourselves tonight: “The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices, to be found only in the minds of men.

“For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own — for the children, and the children yet unborn.”

When those who dissent are told time and time again — as we will be, if not tonight by the President, then tomorrow by his portable public chorus — that he is preserving our freedom, but that if we use any of it, we are somehow un-American…When we are scolded, that if we merely question, we have “forgotten the lessons of 9/11″… look into this empty space behind me and the bi-partisanship upon which this administration also did not build, and tell me:

Who has left this hole in the ground?

We have not forgotten, Mr. President.

You have.

May this country forgive you.

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Poor, Poor Breeeeeeeeeee

I’m so worried for poor little Lonelygoil. It’s clear that this big event she’s training for is a human sacrifice, and she’s been chosen because she’s the only virgin left in the coven. So sad. She doesn’t understand. If only Danielbeastieboy could help her. She wouldn’t be eligible for the sacrifice anymore, so she’d finally be safe. It might make her a tad angry, but it would be worth it. So what if YouTube wouldn’t be willing to show it?

The first step in saving Breeeeeeeeeee is getting her to that party. She’ll get to see that there’s a whole world out there, full of peers who’ve all seen her videos but will act like they haven’t in order to further confuse the audience.

And maybe she’ll get lucky at the party. That is to say, she might hook up with these two

Thank you, TV in Japan. You may have saved a life.

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Nike Loves God, God Loves the Hawks

Apologies for my sloppy Photoshoppery, but I hope you get the idea.

altered nike swooshesThe season premiere of was on tonight. Not a great episode, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. There was a long (probably about ninety seconds) ad for Nike, as part of their Nike Gridiron campaign. If you go to the site, select Features, and then Briscoe Hawks, you’ll see what I saw.

It’s apparently an attempt at a viral campaign about high school feetsball (not to be confused with ) teams and the town’s love for them. There will probably be a spot for every game of the season, along with maybe a few romances, players studying hard to stay on the team, etc. And it features a cast of famed feetsball personalities!

In tonight’s episode, we’re introduced to the Briscoe Hawks on the day of their game against the undefeated Arundel Wildcats. The story begins in a classroom, where a history lesson is being taught to the kids (many of whom are members of the team, already wearing their jerseys) by teacher Jimmy Johnson. He wants to make sure they understand the concept of Preparation — the only word on the blackboard. He’s asking questions about what happened to Napoleon when he invaded Russia, but we know what the real lesson of the day is… we know why preparation is so imporant.

After class, the guys file out into the hall, where it’s clear that they’re beloved by all — especially a blonde girl (who we find out on the site is the head cheerleader).

Now comes the bit that has me concerned: as they’re preparing for the game in the locker room, the Hawks gather around the coach (played by Don Shula, who even I have heard of). The coach says something like, “One of these two teams is going to experience their first loss tonight. Is it gonna be us?” and the team in unison shouts out, “No sir!”. The coach then says “Take a D” or something like that, and the Hawks, every last one of them, fall silent, close their eyes and kneel.

What the hell are they doing? What’s a “D”? Are they praying? This doesn’t look like a private school… Is this a public school? Is the team praying before the game, at the coach’s behest, at a public school?

What is this, Texas?? Where’s the freakin’ ACLU? Sure, if they compained about this, they’d just be told that the team is in a moment silent thought. Right.

Correction: The coach says “take a knee,” not “take a D.” So that’s even clearer. I was desperately trying to figure out a word that begins with D and means something religious.

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The Propagandists

General JC Christian, Patriot — and Swinginest of Daddy-os.

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Huzzah, Ze

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with the President,
Just you and him?

Would you scream?
Would you laugh?
Would you offer him gum?
Would you say things to make him your friend?

What would you do if you were stuck for ten hours?
Would you listen?
Ask questions?
And how?

What would it be that you’d say to the President?
And why aren’t you saying it now?

Thank you, zefrank.

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FSMophobia

Someone named “cool Mike” wrote the following to Boing Boing:

You guys are nuts.Come on a flying spaghetti monster?Look there is no such thing as a flying spaghetti monster.God created the world.This is only a jloke.Come on.A flying spaghetti monster/Flying spaghetti monster my butt.You should read the bible,pray,and go to a church.Come on.Have you ever even seen it.

Let me answer that question for you NO!HAVE YOU!YOU SHOULDN’T BELIVE ABOUT EVOLUTION OR OTHER FALSE gods OR FALSE PROPHETS OR EVEN THE MAN WHO FIRST TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS.THAT MAN IS A LIAR. HE JUST DID THAT SO SCHOOLS SHOULDN’TTEACH ABOUT THE ONE AND ONLY ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, ALMIGHTY GOD AND HIS SON JESUS.lISTEN GOD SACRIFIED HIS ONE AND ONLY SON TO SAVE US ALL.YOU GUYS NEED TO READ THE HOLY BIBLE.IT TEACHES US EVERYTHINNG AND IT DOESN’T LIE LIKE THAT MAN.gUYS WHAT I AM SAYING IS NOT A JOKE IT IS THE TRUTH.PLEASE READ THE HOLY BIBLE.THIS IS VERY TRUE.IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS THAT JESUS WIIL COME BACK.HE WILL COME BACK AND HE WILL TAKE US TO BE JUDGED.AND I TELL I READ T HIS FROM THE BIBLE IF YOUR NAME IS NOT IN THE BOOK OF LIFE YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COME INTO HEAVEN.YOU NEED TO READ THE HOLY BIBLE NOT PRAISE A STUPID FALSE THING ABOUT A flying spaghetti monster that does not exist.That man is a liar.Who has ever seen a flying spaghetti monster.

Stop praising,singing,loving,serving,and adoring that thing, that piece of trash,that thing that was made up and doesn’t even exist, when you should be praising,singing,loving,serving and adoring the HOLY THE ONE AND ONLY GOD.Please belive me.

flying spaghetti monsterThis saddens me terribly. This kind of religious bigotry is utterly un-Murcan. And why does “cool Mike” choose the for his attack? He could have spewed this sort of bile about any faith. I fear that he may not stop at His Noodly Appendage. The followers of the (May Her Holy Hooves Never Be Shod) had better be extra-vigilant if they want to protect their faith from this kind of attack.

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La Vie en Lune

I was coming out of a meeting earlier this evening and noticed that we’re pretty close to a full moon. That reminded me of something I’ve been wanting to tell you about.

full moonWe’ve all heard of the , that almost as famous as the Virgin Mary’s apparition on a wad of beef jerky heimliched from the throat of a NASCAR fan at Daytona (it’s always Florida). We all know the man in the moon isn’t real. If you believe in him, you probably believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and even .

Edith PiafWhat you may not realize is that there is a Woman in the Moon, or perhaps more accurately, a Chanteuse in the Moon. That’s right, the moon contains the face of famed French singer, , she of Non, je ne regrette rien, La vie en rose and Ne me quitte pas.

How this happened, I can’t say. Is it fate? Did Piaf model her look after that face on the moon? Who knows? All I know is, it’s there and there’s no point in denying it. You see it, don’t you? Of course you do!

the Piaf in the Moon

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One Wise Wad

Have you seen any of these?

meatwad

People are posting pictures of Meatwad (of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force) and adding messages. And so far, all of the messages I’ve seen have been anti-war. I did this one myself, based on one I saw on Park Street here in the ‘Ville. I just typed it out in a handwriting-esque font in Photoshop, since I know you can’t read my handwriting.

For those who aren’t familiar with the character, Meatwad is, for the most part, innocent, gentle, and honest. Now and then he can be vindictive, but only toward Shake, who usually deserves it.

I think the message here is that if Meatwad can understand these issues, then Bushie Boy ought to be able to as well. After all, he’s about as smart as Meatwad, right?

Andre the Giant has a posseJR Bob DobbsIs this to be the next trend, taking the place of the two gentlemen to the left and right? Maybe, but part of the appeal of Bob and André is that they were noticed by the general public long before most people had any idea of what they were. I don’t know what portion of the general public knows about Meatwad, but adding personalized messages puts this in a slightly different category.

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